I Still HaVeN't heard a THING

You know when you're expecting news and you're trying to be positive and think things are going to work out like you hope, but cant help but wondering "what-if' ? what if the news I get isnt the news I want! then what do I do??? That's where I am right now wondering and waiting for my local chairman to call or email me with the news, good or bad. Because as far as I'm converned this is our ticket back to California and THAT excites me, it also makes me nervous for alot of different reasons. Finding reliable babysitting for the two most important people in my life, dealing with the possibility that my husband may not join us for months and months, and re-qualifying and passing all of the hard tests that I'm going to have to take. But this is what I want right? Right! or at least I hope I'm right.

So until I hear something, anything I will be waiting for the news that I want to hear. Positive thinking ='s postive results right? Let's hope so.

Love

Leslie

Nervous AND Excited

So... since we have been here in Missouri for 10 months now, which honestly seems like 10 years, my mind races and races to try and figure out a WAY OUT. Maybe some of you didnt know that i worked for the BNSF for 13 years and decided i wanted to quit and start my family and change careers. Well i did ALL of that however one big glich in my plans my so called new career didnt work out as i had hoped i ended up getting pregnant 3 months into my assistant program and couldnt handle standing on my tired aching feet for 12-14 hours a day, so i quit. 15 months later i decided to assist again making a whopping 10$ an hour just enough to cover babysitting fees. Long story short I quit,we moved and im miserable! So i contacted my old local chairman with the Railroad and asked if i could get my job back half joking half serious thinking there is no way in hell it would happen I mean who quits a seniority based union job and 4 1/2 years later wants it back AND thinks they'll get it back!

That leads me to today. Im waiting nervously for an answer as to whether I will be granted the unthinkable (my job) What will I do with the kids? What about jeff? he's here and i would be there! alone. I'm thinking my chances are about 10% I know i should be more optimistic but I dont want to get my hopes up too high. So that is what is going on in my world THIS second. I've been praying and praying for good news, i will try and accept the bad news if that is what is meant to be.



PS...I can feel finn move ON THE OUTSIDE of my tummy..so fun

Going Home At Last (for a visit)

We are heading home to Dana Point for a MUCH needed visit, i miss home, blah blah blah, everyone knows how much i miss it, do i need to keep saying it??

I feel like we're tourists, we're not even there yet, am i going to feel like an outsider? or is it going to all come rushing back as if i never left? i hope its the latter. We plan on basking in the warm southern california sun, surfing, eating the yummiest mexican food around (javiers) and visiting a few friends, but mainly enjoying being home for 7 days 8 nights! ICAN HARDLY WAIT.

We just went through some paper work the other day and realized that we have to be here for 24 months or we repay any money the railroad gave us for this move! How will i survive 15 more months?? I can survive 15 more months right?? well for today i will get through another day.

Love

Leslie

Feeling BLUE

I cant remember the last time i was so down in the dumps, im writing this post specifically to reflect back on months from now, years from now.

We are going to see a counselor tomorrow to try and work out my bout with this depression i am feeling, it really does hurt, depression. I really thought this move was going to be a great thing for our family,why cant i just cope! I think non stop of how i miss home and how i regret thinking this was the answer, how could i think leaving Dana Point would make things better? I have a lump in my throat right now just thinking about it. sigh

I dont know what the future holds for us, we dont know if the railroad will even grant jeff the opportunity to take his former job, we may be faced with him quitting just so we can get back home, is that even logical?? I dont know.

For now i need to try and dig myself out of this dark place i am in, for myself, for molly and jeff!

This is where i dream of raising our family

This house was my the first home i bought, i instantly fell in love with the cozy feeling it gives off when you walk through the front door. Then you enter the big white sun filled (all the time) kitchen, i remember before i even had children, how i imagined them sitting in their high chair with plenty of room to move about in this spacious homey space.

Then we moved....we thought maybe the grass was greener in another "family friendly" neighborhood in Dana Point, boy how we were wrong, yes we were on a cul-de-sac we had more space to move about (and clean) but i quickly realized the grass wasnt so green after all, i longed for my cozy beach house.

Then we moved... again...and this time it was to Missouri...I am sad, i am depressed, i am terribly homesick for all the familiar things that home brings.

I miss my life

This post is more for my own comfort. I have been away from Dana Point 7 months now. I had never been happier in my life than when i was living in Dana Point, surrounded by all the beautiful scenery,the beaches, the virtually perfect weather year round! I miss it more than i can even put into words, it hurts to think i may never live there again.

For the Love of Scottsdale

Looks like molly is driving a rickshaw! this was at the Phoenix childrens Museum, very fun place for little ones.

and here she is painting

and now she is playing "hot potato" at the resort with the "fun team"

molly

hula hooping, she didnt win, but she was competing with 6 year olds

Designer Fabrics for Nursery, Kids Room, Play Room| Serena & Lily

Designer Fabrics for Nursery, Kids Room, Play Room Serena & Lily

Our trip to Memphis

We didnt actually get out and walk around Beale street, but here is a photo of the historic blues district in downtown memphis

The really cool memphis bridge

oh and i cant forget GRACELAND...too fun. Not an elvis fan, but it was fun

The photo doesnt do this picture justice, its was such a beautiful neighborhood, it made me want to pack up my belongings and move to memphis

This is one of the parks we found and played at for hours, just walking around exploring this unchartered territory..ahhh audobon park

I must assume she is wondering who "chris and sarah" are..etched on the park bench

I've always dreamt of living in a house like this, with a tire swing in my tree...hmmmm. dreamy dreamy southern living

pictures of Memphis

well i must be doing something wrong, i've tried uploading pictures twice!!

Missing this place

i want to be doing this..TOMORROW and FOREVER..i miss home

i want to look like this again...soon.

i want pictures of all my babies doing this on a regular basis..can you tell im home sick??

Molly, so grown up :(

another view into the kit/fam rm

the loooong loooong hallway, BUT with a newly added and much needed doorway

our bedroom, cozy! i still need to decorate and put the bedskirt on!

the outside of our house

what the heck? a picture of my doorstop?

our rental house

our cute little stairs

old living room

ok, so here is the "before"kitchen

the master bath wallpaper

Family Room

the master bath after

kitchen cabinets a happy white/sanddollar

Our Kitchen

Here is the MONSTER piece of furniture

the men carrying in the TOP portion

and here is the bottom piece

Here is my living room

Moving Day..So this is what you can get for a mere 280k in Missouri! not too shabby, but the catch is......you must move from your cozy, WARM, fun, WARM, endless awesome shopping, WARM house/apartment/condo to MISSOURI...

San Clemente , I think....

molly in earlier days

this is molly when we were in Park city on one of our many adventures